Hints on visiting a Japanese home

Temiyage (Entrance gift)

If you are invited to visit a home, it is always a good idea to bring a small gift or “temiyage” such as sweets, fruit or liquor.

Coats and slippers

When you enter a home, take off your coat before coming into the entrance hall or “genkan”, where you will take off your shoes. It is considered polite to place your shoes facing the way you came in. Shoes and slippers must never be worn on tatami mats, as they indicate the most formal area of the home. There are also special slippers to be worn exclusively to the toilet. Forget to take these off afterwards, and you’ll create a truly memorable experience!

Sitting

When invited to sit, try to sit in the formal seiza position, unless you are offered a chair! You will most likely be invited to “relax” in to a cross-legged position for men and the “both-legs-on-one-side” position for women.

Before leaving

After the meal, remember to say gochisosamadeshita (it was delicious). If it’s getting late, the family will probably serve you tea–this is your cue to leave. Remember to thank them for the delicious meal and for their hospitality.

A typical Western inclination is to offer to help with clearing the dishes. It is best not to get too involved in this project, as the kitchen is a particularly private part of the Japanese home, and your gesture may come off as being too intrusive. After dinner, tea may be served, which is often an indication that the evening has come to an end. JTB’s Living Japanese Style has good illustrations and more detailed guidelines.

Other gift-giving suggestions

Gift-giving, although often over-done to useless and tacky crap, is an important element in the Japanese rules of courtesy. As a foreigner, you are not really expected to follow these rules, but any effort you make will be favorably received. Here are a few basic guidelines.

Technically speaking, omiyage are given when you visit a person’s home; omiyage are given to friends and business associates after you have been on a trip. Many AETs and some Japanese confuse these terms.

Gifts have a certain political value in that they will help you establish good working relationships with superiors. Give accordingly. As a general rule of thumb, kocho-sensei will probably like nothing better than a good ol’ bottle of whisky.

You will notice that it is not customary for the Japanese to open a gift in front of the giver. Rather, it is opened later and “thank yous” are exchanged at the next meeting.

Farewell and welcome enkais are strategic times to give gifts to superiors and anyone who has shown you a kindness in the past. Also, anytime you return from a trip, a group gift (especially local delicacies) is always appreciated.

In addition, oseibo in December and ochugen in July are highly marketed gift-giving seasons. Department stores rake in the yen by arranging the direct delivery of these kinds of gifts. At New Years, children receive pocket-money called “otoshidama” from relatives and friends of the family. You are not expected to participate, but be forewarned that you might receive any of these, in which case a letter of thanks is necessary.

Another wrinkle in the whole miyage cycle is the rumored “omiyage recycling.” You may or may not be able to catch someone in the act, but many gifts change hands a number of times. Be careful before you try this, as it may possibly backfire on you!

In general, though, any gesture you make will be greatly appreciated. If you are ever in doubt, ask your supervisor as you are not expected to fully understand all of the subtleties of this custom.